How to Fail as an Artist, Painterly Edition 1

Wednesday, December 3, 2008


Painters, this one is for you!

It may have escaped your notice, but painting died a few decades ago.

'Why,' you ask. Well the reason is simple. Everything that can be done in painting has already been done. There's nothing new that can ever come out of painting. Again.

So how do we overcome this barrier as painters? Why, just take a page from still President G.W. Bush: redefine the word 'new.'

In this postmodern age we have now acquired the wisdom to know that words mean whatever we want them to mean, so I am calling on all painters forthwith to start a campaign to redefine the word 'new' to mean 'fish.'

A new tide will swell upon the art world leaving behind a mass of scaly, slimy, sexy new artwork that you just can't ignore (especially your nose). Easels will be abandoned as artists rejoin Mother Nature to create a new fusion of human vision and natural order.

The birds, snakes, and furry woodland creatures will join our cause. All those who oppose the new order will be pecked, and all paintings adhering to the out-dated world of traditional painting will be chewed to ribbons.

This is a rallying cry to all painters not yet ready to give up: 'We want a new NEW!'

Come, join me, my compatriots, as I storm the Empire State Building's observation deck this New Year's Eve with a kettle full of fish and an unseemly amount of vodka. There will be a good time to be had for all and a new definition of New shall be inaugurated!

3 comments:

SuzyQJenn said...

My husband is an artist/painter and feels the same way at times. It can be tough trying to come up with original and fresh ideas - stick with it!

SuzeesJubileeZ said...

Ah People were commenting on your work today Zephi, so original.

JuliaA said...

scaly, slimy, AND sexy. yes.

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