How to Fail as an Artist, Step Two

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

If you're going to be an artist, you must look and act the part. The first thing you need is a really wild hairdo.

It takes a lot to shock people nowadays, so you can't expect anyone to notice you if you don't have a really outstandingly wild do. It used to be that shaving your head or just failing to cut your hair would be enough to put you on the fringes of society right where an artist *should* be.

Here's a few classic examples:

As you can see from Warhol and Trump, wild hair is clearly a key to making it to the very top in any field.

So how can you find that magic formula that's just right for you? Well, you can't settle for a hairdo that some other famous person has already used. It has to be a true signature. These days, you'd better be prepared to go as far as having a metal spike installed on your scalp. You will need to either cut too much or not enough, so be sure to find out how you look with your scalp showing.
Make sure to aim for a look that says either barbarian/bum or post-apocalyptic cyberpunk. You just can't go wrong with one of those. Good luck with your new do and be sure to send me a picture once you've got it sussed!

Creative knitting makes a comeback

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

I normally keep this blog pretty focused on 2D visual art, but Nicolle Glover's creative stitches caught my eye in her Etsy venture, KiKiBowns. The name KiKiBowns itself shows her strong connection to the source of her imagination and creativity: KiKi Bowns was the name she made up for herself as a child. Browsing through her needle creations, you can truly sense that child-like curiosity that doesn't admit to anything being impossible or out of bounds.
This clutch, Monster, is one of Nicolle's most striking designs so far. Inspired by Poe's raven, the dark silhouette strikes a perfect balance. And of course, I think Nicolle should indulge her goth side more often ;)

How to Fail as an Artist, Step One

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Welcome to a new series of articles that will be wedged in every now and then in between reviews and me tooting my own horn. This series details everything you need to know to fail as an artist.

First, as even the most gullible of babes knows, money makes the world go 'round. So only make art for money. Why waste you time beating your breast, scouring your soul, and plumbing the depths in search of greater truth? No one will pay to see something like that.

What you need is something that will bring in the dough. And you should never work on anything that won't bring it in.

One of the best ways to bring the money in is to create an uproar. Try going to your town or city's main square and painting the town's most beloved monument red. This always provokes a response. Not to long ago a pair of artists (wink, wink) put up some flashing signs with a cartoon character flashing the finger at passersby. They could not have had better luck when it was mistaken for a terrorist bomb. This is just the type of creative thinking you need to make your bank account full.

If you are of a more delicate disposition, might I suggest dogs. Puppies are even better, but dogs will do. Everyone has a soft spot for Fido. At the very least people love their own pets no matter how much they complain of the neighbors'. So start painting pet portraits. It's not nearly as likely to land you in jail and people just love them.

So remember, there are lots of ways you can put your art to work for you. Don't concern yourself with that new-age psychobabble about 'finding yourself.' Get out there and find some money!

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